I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
