I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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