i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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