I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
