the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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