I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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