People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
