Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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