im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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