Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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