I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
