It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Even my vagina gasped.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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