I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
