Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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