Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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