so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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