It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
