U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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