So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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