Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
