i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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