My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There r osticjed everywhere
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
