Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
