Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
