You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
