im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
