Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
