Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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