If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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