I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
