Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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