Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
