you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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