i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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