problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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