So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
