I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
