then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
