apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
