Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
