Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
