i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
