i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
