We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As shirtless as possible
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
