Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
