i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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