you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
