we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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