she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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