Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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