did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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