lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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