something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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