it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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