i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
