Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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